Grace

Grace... it is a word that we use so freely and frequently within the community of Christ. We can define it, like with the acrostic;
God's
Righteousness
At
Christ's
Expense.
Or we can simply speak of unconditional love (whatever that truly is).
Yet we who are finite, how is it that we can begin to understand yet apply such an infinite concept?

Over the past few days I have had to struggle with this concept. Of course as a Lutheran, what runs in my mind is the tyranny of legalism, and the temptation of "cheap grace" as per the words of D. Bonhoeffer. I am shocked to think that maybe I choose the law over God's grace, and yet I am alarmed that the easy out of forgiveness without repentance would make for what Luther would call a religion that is worth nothing.

At the center of my diliberation is how to exercise my pastoral office. I realize that there is no right choice, and that in the end no matter what I choose, there will be pain, sadness, and disappointment. There is no easy grace for me in my decision.

As I wrestled with a response, I was reminded by another of the story of the prodigal son (Luke chapter 15). In that case, however, the son was repentant... the son was willing to come back under the authority of his father... the son was willing to submit. While Grace was offered by the father, and it was offered before the son even had a chance to say a word, nonetheless this was born out of the desire of both parties to be in a loving relationship with each other.

Grace becomes cheap if it offers the "prize" without reform of one's direction in life. Grace is not grace if it allows us to continue in our harmful patterns without challenging the validity of a path of individual identity apart from our subservience to God's will. Grace may be unconditional, but if it does not bring a change in the condition of those to whom it is offered, then one must wonder what was the point?

I know for myself that if measured I fail, and fail often. I am far from perfect as a pastor, husband, father, and instrument of God's grace. Somehow, however, this seems to be the first step into the midst of God's grace. For as long as I am unwilling to admit of my sin/brokeness/ rebellion, I may desire grace, but I really don't cling to grace. I simply am using grace as a means of salving my conscious as I continue in the way I would choose for myself.

In the end, I have chosen not to offer a panacea that would ease the pain of the moment, but not address the disease. I have chosen rightly or wrongly to opt for the costly grace of the cross... a grace that leads us into death so that we might experience life as God intended. I have chosen not to allow what others may want or believe they are entitled to because we are suppose to show grace, because I believe that grace calls us to hold up the mirror before ourselves, and confess how sin twists God's good intentions. I can never be sure I have chosen correctly, but in all humility I pause and trust in God's grace for me, a sinner of God's redeeming.